Is my way really that bad?

Do you dish out punishments or rewards to those around you? I have been taking a closer look at my interactions with those around me for the past few days and I was so surprised to see how often I unconsciously punish or reward someone for their actions. On the flip side I was able to see how often I was punished or rewarded by others. What effect does that have one me? I think there are different effects on me when I am the one giving the punishments or rewards verses when I am the one getting them.

I have seen that when I am the one giving the punishment or reward it is usually out of pride. I know that sounds bad, but it true. When I am looking to punish someone for doing something I don’t agree with it seems to stem from the pride within me that my thoughts or beliefs are more correct than theirs and that they should do things the way I think they should be done. On the other hand, when I reward someone for something I liked that they did it was out of that same pride. I like people to do what I would do and sometimes have a hard time seeing things from another person’s perspective.

I think we all unconsciously or consciously punish and reward people every day. We need to be careful what kind of messages we send to people when we do that. I have decided this week to try my best to look at things from others perspectives and not always think things have to be done my way. I have a commitment for myself and anyone that reads this. Tomorrow I am going to try to write down every time I notice that I am consciously or unconsciously punishing or rewarding someone and then for the rest of the week try to be do it at least 10% less every day. I’m not sure how well this will work, but I will let you know. 

Start With Yourself

Life is hard. I don’t think this is a new concept to any of you out there. Families can sometimes be the cause and other times be part of the cure. One of the hardest things about life is other people. We have to learn how to work with others in all aspects of life. Families are a great place to practice these skills. The family will be put into situations of great stress. There will be times when it will be hard for the parents to see how they can make ends meet or there can be times when a parent and a child just can seem to see eye to eye. When dealing with things like this the first thing we need to remember is that we can’t change other people, we can change ourselves and what we think and feel. When those times in life come that seem to be really difficult I want you to first remember this will take time. Rome wasn’t built in a day and a new mindset won’t be either. One thing that always helps me when dealing with other people is to look at them and focus on their strengths instead of their weaknesses. Focusing on the positive makes things so much better. People will always be doing things you wouldn’t or in a way that is different than you would. My advice to you would be to talk things out with people in an open and loving way. Start and end with love. If you go into a situation saying you do this and you do that and I’m in the right here, how open do you think the other person will be to changing. If you go into the situation saying here is what I am working on and I want to make this work and I care about you and our relationship. Start with yourself and things will be better.